Still super bad feeling. Alll the time. Haven't really done much recently. I am now constantly questioning why I want to do anything. I'm so absolutely terrified of time moving on. It's like each second is another moment closer to failure and a lonely death. WHICH IT IS BUT REGARDLESS, THIS FACT SIMPLY LOOMS OVER ME QUITE A LOT.

Hm, I had actually built up some sort of self-esteem for a while there. Maybe a year or so. I HAD GOOD THINGS GOING ON. EVERYTHING WAS BEING RIGHT.

Now I've fucked it all up. God, it will never get right again. Ever. I'm so fucking scared.

Oh and I actually may or may not have swine flu. I feel pretty blah right now.

I just want everything to go a bit okay. Why can't it be that way. I wish I could just change the past. Everything could be so much better.


fffffffffff I just feel so completely awful god trying not to make this longer but I reallly really want to write long paragraphs about how shit I feel sdfjjsdfjsjkdsdfkljsdlkha brb going to listen to shitty music while crying

ETA: ONE JOURNAL ENTRY WITHOUT A TYPO I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD